Mavericks Trade For Shawn Marion

July 9, 2009

According to the DMN, the Mavericks are close to finalizing a deal with the Toronto Raptors that will send Shawn Marion to Dallas in exchange for Jerry Stackhouse’s contract and a couple other spare parts. Marion, who is 31 years old, will be an immediate starter for the Mavericks. While I do like this deal, I don’t see it as doing anything to put the Mavericks over the top. They’ll still be a 50 win team who gets thoroughly trounced by a dominant team in the playoffs. Plus, this trade basically muscles out Brandon Bass, who is in search of a more lucrative contract. Bass had quickly become one of my favorite Maverick players due to his high energy level and athleticism.

So on the opening night of the Mav’s season, their starting five will consist of Dirk Nowitzki, Josh Howard, Shawn Marion, Jason Kidd and Marcin Gortat. Is it an upgrade from last year? Yes. Does it get anyone all THAT excited? I highly doubt it.

UPDATE: The full details of the trade have been disclosed by ESPN. The Memphis Grizzlies will get Stackhouse and his expiring contract. The Raptors will get Antonie Wright and Devean George from the Mavs. Dallas gets both Marion and Kris Humphries, a talented young power forward who could help soften the blow if Brandon Bass signs somewhere else.


A Long Look Back At My Week Off

July 6, 2009

Well, I finally pulled the family truckster back into my driveway in Wylie, Texas last night after a long week spent visiting the wife’s family in the Great White North. A lot happened during my time away that needs to be commented on. Plus, I’m going to sprinkle in a few of my own observations from our 2,000 mile round trip trek across the central United States. Here we go…

* I have officially dubbed this to be the Summer of the Dead Has-Been. After arriving at my uncle’s 50th birthday party on Saturday night, the first thing I heard someone say was, “hey, did you hear that they found Steve McNair dead?” Add him to the list along with David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Karl Malden. If I was Drew Bledsoe or Scott Baio, I’d be staying indoors a lot these days.

* The Texas Rangers closed the gap between themselves and the Anaheim Angels to regain a share of first place in the A.L. West. As I was driving home yesterday, they were in the process of completing a sweep of  a very good Tampa Bay team. Even better, they finally sent Chris Davis and his limp dick of a bat down to Oklahoma City, making Hank Blalock the new everyday first baseman. While Davis was solid defensively, he looked like Corky Thatcher at the plate, hitting a paltry .202 with an ungodly 114 strikeouts. My prediction: Davis will never see the light of day in the big leagues again.

* The Mavericks re-signed Jason Kidd and are about to sign some giant white Pollock. No one seems to care.

Now for some nuggets from the road.

* I spent the greatest four years of my life at Iowa State University. I’ll never have that much fun again. Unfortunately, I had forgotten what an amazing place the campus is until the wife and I swung through Ames on our way up to Minnesota. If you ever get a chance to make it to Ames, do it. Eat at Great Plains Pizza or Hickory Park, drink a beer at Cy’s Roost, laugh at the smelly kids playing Magic in the comic book shop on Lincoln Way and stroll through ISU’s central campus. You won’t be sorry you did.

* I think I offended at least one person in Minnesota when I referred to William Tecumseh Sherman as a bastard. Instead of crying about it like an overly P.C. pussy, you could have just called scoreboard on me. Your side did win that war after all. On a side note, I find it funny that Sherman is such an icon to the “anti-war” left. If the United States military were to employ his tactic of total warfare in Iraq, the anti-war Left would be in an uproar, ready to prosecute every level of the U.S. government for crimes against humanity. We also would have won that war three months after it started, but that’s another story. But you have to remember that nothing gets a peace-loving, anti-war hippie more excited than the thought of killing his fellow Americans, which is exactly what Sherman did. Don’t believe me? Ask the first anti-war peacenik you come across what his thoughts are on the Iraq War. I’m sure you know what his response will be. Next, ask that same hippie douche what he thinks about Texas (or any other red state in the south) seceding from the Union. Watch as his pants tighten at the thought of the Obama-led U.S. military marching south to teach those no good, free thinkers a bloody and well-deserved lesson.

* Lakes in central Minnesota are freezing fucking cold even in July. I don’t recommend jumping in one.

* Why is the simple act of driving so tiring? Granted, I drove almost 1,000 miles yesterday, but I still didn’t think I was going to be that exhausted when I finally got home. I mean, it is just sitting in a chair and using your hands and one foot, right? Maybe it’s more mental exhaustion from driving around countless morons who refuse to go five miles over the speed limit and who change lanes without looking.

* And on that note: Fuck you, Oklahoma. Die.

Why, Dirk, Why?

May 7, 2009

It it turns out that the fugitive with eight aliases and mulitple felony warrants is Dirk’s girlfriend. WHAT THE F*CK, DIRK!!!

Ummmm, Dirk….You’ve Got Some Explaining To Do

May 7, 2009

Apparently if you’re a fugitive with multiple felony warrants out for your arrest, you can just hole up at Dirk Nowitzki’s Preston Hollow mansion and try to duck the fuzz. You’d think after getting kicked around by that team of felons in Denver, Dirk could use a break from the thugs when he’s at home.

Danny Crawford = Great Satan

May 5, 2009

I’m definitely not one who usually buys into conspiracy theories. I leave that to the angry liberal who likes to connect the Bush family to every major world tragedy since 1900. However, when it comes to sports, I do think that the NBA is far and away the most “rigged” of all the professional leagues. And by NBA, I mean the NBA referees. The Tim Donaghy scandal was pretty blatant proof. And being a Dallas fan who witnessed the 2006 Finals did nothing to ease my fears either. Today, Mike Fisher at has a terrific write up about Dallas’ true arch nemesis, Danny Crawford, and the complete hack job he’s performed on the Mavericks.

As Zac Crain of D Magazine said, “The internet has made it impossible for the NBA to sweep stuff like this under the rug.”

The Dime Bag: Why Do I Feel This Way Edition

April 16, 2009

Last night, after landscaping my front yard, cooking dinner and giving my eldest son a bath, I turned on the Mavs/Rockets game. Mavs were down two. Then JET hit a jumper, then Dirk, then JET, then JET, then JET again.

Why God Why? Why do I feel excited watching the Mavs again? Why do I let myself get sucked into what I know will end up as colossal disappointment again? It’s a paradox. Unexplainable. Kinda like how my buddy Chris can continue to cheer for the Astros, when I think they just started using negative numbers in the win column. But, I digress. Back to the Mavs. 

I’m not naive enough (at least at the moment) to think the Mavs have any shot at the championship, but I do think they can beat the depleted Spurs. They’ve won seven of their last nine and are the first Dallas sports team in a decade to end the season playing their best ball. My biggest concern is that Cuban will see this as justification for adding one more piece to the puzzle instead of blowing the whole thing up like I believe he needs to. 

Here’s some other ‘feelings’ I need explained:
* Why do I feel like I could beat JJ Barea out for the point guard spot?
* Why do I feel like hiring Tanya Harding to clip Dirk in the knee everytime he tugs at the left side of his jersey?
* Why do I feel like Shaq to the Mavs would be a good move?
* Why do I feel like Josh Howard has improved his trade value but will still play for the Mavs next year?
* Why do I feel like Rick Carlisle should legitimately be considered for Coach of the Year?

If you have any answers, I’m listening…

Chris Paul A Mav? Excuse Me While I Clean Up My Pants

April 9, 2009


The last two days have been very good to the ol’ Mavericks. First, they trounce the Utah Jazz in the most important game of the season to move into a tie for the coveted seventh seed in the Western Conference.

And now Tim MacMahon at The Dallas Morning News is reporting that the Mavs might have a plan in the works to trade for Chris Paul in the offseason. The Hornets, who play in a shit market that still hasn’t recovered from Hurricane Katrina, are probably going to find themselves in a situation where they have to dump as much salary as possible just to stay afloat in these tough economic times.

Basically, the trade would involve the Mavericks taking on the expensive contracts of Paul and a combo of either Tyson Chandler, Peja Stojakovic, Morris Peterson or James Posey for the expiring contracts of Jerry Stackhouse, Josh Howard and Eric Dampier.

I don’t care how good Howard has looked in the last few games; this trade is a total no-brainer. Paul is far-and-away the best point guard in the league and probably should be included in any discussion involving the best five overall players in the league. BTW, my top five includes Paul, Lebron, Kobe, D-Wade and Dirk.

Paul is easily my favorite non-Maverick in the NBA. He has every quality you’d want in a point guard. He can penetrate, he can shoot from the outside, he can find the open man, he can run the offense, he can play defense (consistently leads the league in steals) and he can take a game over by himself.

Just the thought of seeing him in a Mavericks uniform makes my sports pants want to hijack an American cargo ship off the coast of Somalia.