Notes From Section 418, Row 14, Seat 3 – Cowboys 13, San Fran 20

August 30, 2009


August 29, 2009 — Dallas Cowboys vs. San Francisco 49ers

This week’s preseason game wasn’t particularly exciting, so I’ll try to keep this brief. For the most part, the game was slow moving and somewhat dull, but it had its moments.

* The first team offense looked good once again. Tony Romo led the team on a 14-play, 94-yard drive in the second quarter that was capped off with a three yard touchdown run by Felix Jones.

* However, penalties were a problem again. In the first quarter, a 49-yard Nick Folk field goal was wiped off due to a Cory Procter holding penalty. Overall, the Cowboys had eight penalties for 78 yards. That shit has got to stop.

* Felix Jones is a bad ass. He was one ankle tackle away from breaking a 91-yard touchdown run early in the game. And what might be even more impressive is his toughness around the goal line. For the second week in a row, he powered a touchdown in from close range. Jones combined with the strength of Barber should make the Cowboys a force to be reckoned when they get close to the end zone.

* Terence Newman had a spectacular 43-yard punt return that he almost broke all the way. Newman needs to be the full-time punt returner, but I can understand the coach’s hesitance to do so because of all of Newman’s injury problems in the past.

* Isiah Stanback meet Kevin Ogletree. He’s the guy who just took your job. Enjoy your unemployment.

* The teams combined to punt 10 times. Not one punt came anywhere near hitting the massive jumbotron over the field, which further proves the point that the only way to hit the thing is if you’re trying to. Now all you naysayers can shut the eff up. I think most of your boo-hooing comes from the fact that our jumbotron probably cost more than the piece of shit stadium that you have to watch games in.

* A note to all offensive coordinators around the league: the Wildcat offense is fugging useless. It’s the acid-washed jeans of NFL offenses. It worked a couple of times last year only because nobody expected to see such utter retardation on a professional football field. Taking out your quarterback, who is the leader of the offense, the guy everyone looks to and the person who knows where everyone is supposed to be, and replacing him with a second string running back or third string wide receiver is the definition of special needs. Trying to church up the quarterback position doesn’t work. If you need evidence, just look at the Kordell Stewart, Vince Young and Michael Vick experiments.

*Follow the jump for a couple of new photos from JerryWorld.

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Sorry Folks, But It’s Liberals Who Kill Presidents, Not Conservatives

August 28, 2009

The constant chirping from Left-wing windbags recently about the threat of potential Right-wing “terrorists” and “assassins” has reached a fevered pitch in this country. In an effort to play their omnipresent victim card, liberals have been up-in-arms about the threat of Obama being assassinated or other terrorist acts being perpetrated by the “extremists” who have shown up in force to denounce the socialist policy reforms of this administration.

However, as it is with most dealings with the fanatical Left, none of their theories are based on history or facts. How about we take a long look back at the history of political assassination and assassination attempts in this country? Every presidential assassin in the history of America has been a leftist – or had no politics at all. Not a single one was a right-winger.

  • Actor/activist John Wilkes Booth shot President Lincoln because he opposed his Republican war policies. Booth left a letter saying he loved “peace more than life” and he denounced Republicans for pushing an unnecessary war on to the South.
  • Charles J. Guiteau shot President James Garfield in 1881. He was a member of a utopian commune called the Oneida Community where free love and communal child-rearing were practiced.
  • Leon Czolgosz killed President William McKinley in 1901. He was a devout socialist and anarchist who was inspired to action after hearing fellow socialist Emma Goldman give a speech.
  • Giuseppe Zangara attempted to assassinate FDR in 1933. He was consumed with rage and jealousy towards the rich and sought to “make even with capitalists” by killing the president. He had also plotted to kill Hebert Hoover because he, too, was a capitalist.
  • Lee Harvey Oswald killed JFK in 1963. Oswald was enthralled with communism from the time he was a teenager. He even lived in the Soviet Union for a period of time, attempting to gain citizenship, but he was denied. He returned with this Soviet wife to the US where he tried to preach the glories of communism. He first attempted to shoot Major General Edwin A. Walker as Walker sat in his house, but he missed. He also planned on making an attempt on former vice president Richard Nixon’s life while he was in Dallas, but the timing didn’t work out. After he successfully killed JFK, his first call was to John Abt, lawyer for the American Communist Party, asking Abt to defend him. Abt never got the chance thanks to Jack Ruby.
  • Sirhan Sirhan killed Robert Kennedy in 1968. Sirhan was a Palestinian extremist who thought Kennedy was too supportive of Israel.
  • Arthur Bremer, who shot and paralyzed presidential candidate George Wallace in 1972, had ties to the Black Panthers.
  • Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme pointed a loaded gun at President Gerald Ford in 1975. She was a member of Charles Manson’s counter-cultural hippie cult.
  • Sara Jane Moore tried to kill President Ford 17 days after the Fromme incident. She claimed that Ford’s administration had “declared war on the left.”

Then we have all of the political violence of the Left in the 1970s and 80s caused by such radical groups as the Weather Underground, the Black Panthers and the Black Liberation Army.

  • Waverly “Chipper” Brown, the only black officer in Nyack, New York at the time, was killed along with two other officers in 1981 when the Weather Underground attempted to rob the Brinks truck Brown and his fellow officers were protecting.
  • Robert Fassnacht, a physics student at the University of Wisconsin, was killed in 1971 by a car bomb set off on campus by a group of anti-war protesters.
  • Liberals in various groups also planted bombs or tried to plant bombs at an Army dance hall at Fort Dix, NYC police headquarters, the Harvard international-studies center, various corporate offices, National Guard headquarters, the Pentagon and the Capitol Building.

In more recent news, peace-loving liberals have written books and made movies glamorizing the assassination of George W. Bush.

So what side of the political spectrum am I supposed to be afraid of again?

h/t to Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America.

Friday Fun: Scooter Showoff Owned by Pole

August 28, 2009

As if showing off on a Vespa scooter isn’t queer enough, this guy takes it to another level.

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Ted Kennedy: Always Remember That He Killed A Woman

August 26, 2009

In the upcoming days, as you watch the media and those around you gush over the death of Ted Kennedy, I implore you to keep in mind that he killed a woman and just walked away. He wasn’t just “implicated in” or “accused of” her death. He drove her into a body of water and left her to die. There’s nothing more respectable than killing a person and using your daddy’s good name to get you out of trouble.

So, please tell me once again, why should I consider this piece of shit a great man?

Notes From Section 418, Row 14, Seat 3

August 23, 2009


August 21, 2009 – Dallas Cowboys vs. Tennessee Titans

I apologize for this being a couple of days late, but it’s here none the less. Friday was the very first football game ever to be played at the new Cowboys Stadium. And, trust me, it didn’t disappoint. While the game itself was greatness (Cowboys won 30-10), pretty much all of my observations are going to be in relation to the stadium itself. Let’s light this candle.

* I always thought the phrase “wow factor” was a bit cliche, but when it comes to the new Cowboys Stadium, it’s spot on. This place is fucking amazing. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Everything about it is visually stunning and the sheer size of the thing is damn near overwhelming. It raises up off the Texas prairie like some sort of alien master station. It reminds me of the stranded ship hovering over Johannesburg in District 9. I’m still waiting for the debut of the planet-destroying laser cannon.

* Because the thing is so freaking big, it’s remarkably comfortable. The game wasn’t sold out, but there were still more than 75,000 people in attendance. That’s a good 10,000 more than would show up for a game at the old Texas Stadium. And yet, it didn’t feel that way. The new stadium is spacious, has plenty of bathrooms and concession stands and has large areas of empty space where you can get away if you need to. Most notably among these would the giant outdoor party verandas on each end. At Texas Stadium, you were cramped in that giant concrete toilet, waiting in lines for everything and watching filthy water rain down from the pipes above the stairwells. None of those things will be missed.

* Thank you for re-introducing the in-stand vendor, Jerry Jones. I know you removed them on purpose at Texas Stadium to make the place as shitty as possible in the efforts to get your new Death Star built, but I’m extremely thankful to you for re-instituting them at the new digs. Having the beer and hot dog guys actually come to me instead of having to wait in a 10 mile long line every time I wanted a refreshment is a luxury I took for granted. Never again.

* You can tell the place still isn’t finished. It smells of fresh paint and construction materials. Several obvious bits of Cowboys lore were missing, too. The Ring of Honor, the Super Bowl banners and the star at mid-field were all notably absent. These need to be fixed before the home opener against New York. Get on it, Jerry.

* The 60-yard long, $40 million, high-definition jumbotron is mesmerizing. The picture is so clear that you could a hair out of place on Jason Witten’s head and a new herpe sore on the corner of Tony Romo’s mouth. I had to literally force myself to watch the game on the field instead of on the screen. And as for the Titans punter who kicked the ball into the bottom of the screen, go fuck yourself. It was completely obvious that he had no intention with that kick other than to show that he could hit the screen. He kicked the ball straight up into the air with no regard for actually trying to get it down the field. Any other time in the game, when the punter was actually trying to do his job, there was absolutely no problem. All this flub has done is give every naysayer who cheers for a broke ass team who plays in a glorified tin-can or slightly larger version of a Texas high school stadium (I’m looking right at you Vikings and Bills fans) a chance to act like this stadium hasn’t completely ruled you obsolete. Well, news flash, because it has. Suck it.

* More pics of our initial trip to Jerry World are included after the jump. Enjoy.

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Friday Fun: Kid Discovers Vanessa Hudgens Nude Pics Video

August 22, 2009

I want this kid to move into my house and be my new best friend.

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Pudge + Texas Rangers = Happy Me

August 18, 2009

The Dallas Morning News is reporting that the Rangers have pulled off a trade with the Houston Astros to bring Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez back to the Ballpark. The Rangers were in the market for a veteran catcher after Jarrod Saltalamacchia was placed on the DL with a right arm injury. Pudge can easily be considered the best catcher in the history of the Texas Rangers. It’s not often I get excited about the return of old, well-worn veterans, but this is definitely good news. Welcome back, Pudge!

I’ll update this post with the details of the trade once they come through.

UPDATE: Apparently the Rangers only parted with two minor league prospects for Pudge. That makes this deal all the sweeter.