Friday Fun: Boston Sucks

July 31, 2009

Because it couldn’t have happened to a better group of whiny-ass, annoying-as-fuck, fair-weather, piece of shit fans.

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States’ Rights May Kill Universal Healthcare In Texas

July 24, 2009

Oh man, are the name-calling, uber-intellectual Lefties going to have a field day with this story. Today, Gov. Rick Perry suggested that he would invoke the states’ rights protections afforded by the 10th Amendment in order to prevent Obama’s nightmarish universal healthcare plan from coming to Texas.

In case any of you are wondering, the 10th Amendment states:

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Now I’ve read the Constitution front to back numerous times (yes, I’m that kind of nerd) and nowhere in it does it grant the federal government the right to create and maintain a national healthcare system. Such omissions used to be taken seriously in politics. Nowhere in the Constitution does it grant the federal government the right to ban alcohol. That’s why when Prohibition was passed in 1919, it came in the form of a Constitutional amendment. The 18th Amendment, to be exact. However, as the decades have progressed, our friendly neighborhood politicians no longer take things like the “law” or “Constitutionality” seriously.

Liberals believe that as intellectual superiors, they have the fundamental right to bear down on the rest of us with any sort of regulation, regardless of it’s legality simply because they know what’s best for the people. It’s the doctrine of Liberal Fascism and if any of you are interested in learning more on the subject, I highly recommend you read Jonah Goldberg’s book of the same name. Here’s a quick snippet:

Progressivism, liberalism, or whatever you want to call it has become an ideology of power. So long as liberals hold it, principles don’t matter. It also highlights the real fascist legacy of World War I and the New Deal: the notion that government action in the name of “good things” under the direction of “our people” is always and everywhere justified. Dissent by the right people is the highest form of patriotism. Dissent by the wrong people is troubling evidence of incipient fascism.

Sounds all too familiar, doesn’t it?


Friday Fun: Some Bets Aren’t Worth Taking

July 24, 2009

This asshole’s friends bet him that he wouldn’t fire a high-powered rifle while holding it at arm’s length. He got exactly what he deserved.


Another Childhood Favorite Ruined For Me

July 19, 2009

I was positive when I got laid off at the beginning of May that one of the good things about all my new-found free time would be that I could really focus on Homers for awhile. What I didn’t bet on was this summer being duller than dog shit. There have been a few items of note with regards to the local sports teams that I could have opined on (Tony dumping Jessica, the Gortat non-deal effing the Mavs, the all-too-expected mid-summer collapse of the Rangers), but in all honesty, these things just don’t interest me anymore.

So, in an effort to keep this blog going, I present you with a piece I wrote two and a half years ago. It was supposed to run on another site I briefly wrote for, but it never saw the light of day. Without further ado, I bring you this masterpiece of sarcasm and wit.

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I’ll admit it. As a kid growing up, I loved comic books, super heroes and pretty much anything that involved capes and full body leotards. I held my breath as Batman, perilously dangling from a helicopter rope ladder, bravely called to Robin for the Bat-anti-shark repellent spray as the flaccid Styrofoam shark was latched onto his leg in the 1968 feature film. I watched every episode I could of “The Amazing Spider-Man” on Channel 21 even though Spider-Man looked like an out of work porn star wearing one of those cheap Halloween costumes your mom bought for $2.99 at the local Safeway.

And even though I’m now a slightly more mature man of 26, I still get sucked into my old ways. It always comes back to bite me when I try to re-visit eras of life that are long-gone, but still I try to recapture the magic. As I sat at home Sunday night, pouting because the wife didn’t agree with me that $49.95 was a great investment to see WrestleMania 23 live from Detroit (especially since it was the 20th anniversary of when 93,000 people packed inside the Silverdome to watch Hulk Hogan defeat Andre the Giant.), I stumbled across Superman II on some cable channel I didn’t even know I had.

To refresh your memory, Superman II chronicles the epic battle of the world’s greatest hero against recently freed Kryptonian prisoners, Zod, Ursa and Non. Zod being the slightly effeminate leader with the child molester mustache, Ursa being the surprisingly hot, yet bitchy token female and Non being the hairy, mute, half-retard who apparently grew up in the Krypton equivalent of Arkansas. But I digress….

I find that these movies are always much cheesier than we remember them from our childhood, but there came a moment in this film that pretty much ruined me from ever watching the Superman movies again.

The pivotal moment of the entire movie is when Superman takes Lois Lane to the Fortress of Solitude, Superman’s frozen, ice house located at the North Pole. There he decides to give up his super powers in a special crystal chamber in order to live a normal life as Lane’s husband. Because, as we all know, it’s every man’s dream to live a life of servitude to a woman rather than to fly around the world, kicking ass and rescuing people from dire situations. That premise alone should be enough to make any male (especially a married one) turn the TV off immediately.

Read the rest of this entry »


Jason Whitlock: This Is Why Athletes Should Never Marry

July 17, 2009

Man, I’ve been barking up this tree for years. I think it goes for actors and musicians, too. If you’ve got the world by the balls and you know ahead of time that you’re not going to be faithful, then why even waste the time to get married in the first place.


Friday Fun: A Couch With An Ejector Seat

July 17, 2009

Who knew installing an airbag in your couch cushion could lead to such hilarity?


RS Magazine: How Goldman Sachs Runs Washington

July 10, 2009

Every now and then, Rolling Stone will shed its pinko, commie skin and produce an article that is actually insightful and non-biased. In the most recent issue, Matt Taibbi writes about the role that mega-bank Goldman Sachs has played in every single major “bubble” that our economy has experienced since the Great Depression. Taibbi pulls back the curtain to give us a true perspective into who actually rules in Washington.

And if you think these captains of high finance and greed are shills for the Republicans, then you’d be gravely mistaken. Goldman Sachs is balls-deep in the operations of the Democratic Party and they’re pushing harder than any other private sector entity for the new Cap-and-Trade regulations. Cap-and-Trade will create a new trillion dollar derivatives market for the trading of carbon credits. It’s been described as the greatest transfer of wealth in human history. I’ll give you one guess where the majority of that wealth is going to end up.