Friday Fun: Hillbillies + Handguns – Common Sense = Hilarity

June 26, 2009

I’m impressed that he never drops his smoke.

(Strong Language – NSFW)


Taking A Brief Hiatus

June 25, 2009

Not that I’ve been real prolific at posting new items these past few weeks, but I thought I’d give our few loyal readers a heads up about my impending absence. I will be on vacation starting tomorrow and going all through next week.

I know what you’re thinking. Steve, isn’t your whole life a vacation right now, you jobless prick? The answer is yes, but this upcoming week finds me driving all the way up to Minneapolis to visit the wife’s family.

If I can steal away for a few minutes to post a couple of new items, I will. But I’m not making any promises. If I could pull my “co-authors” away from Twitter long enough to contribute again to Homers, then my absence wouldn’t even be noticeable. However, I think that’s about as likely as me voting Democrat in the next election.

I have already taken the time to load up a new Friday Fun for tomorrow and the following Friday, so those of you who come here for your weekly dose of hilarity can sleep easy.

So until we meet again, I bid you adieu.

Deuces, bitches.


The King Is Dead

June 25, 2009

They say bad things happen in sets of three. Well, I guess this week has gone a long way towards proving that theory. On Tuesday, Ed McMahon died. Earlier today, Farrah Fawcett passed away after a long bout with anal cancer. And just about an hour ago, word came down that Michael Jackson of all people died today after slipping into cardiac arrest at his home in Los Angeles. Despite his past troubles, Jackson was still one of the most beloved performers who ever lived.

What a shitty day.


“It’s Not About Taking Off My Goddamn Shoes” – Trey Garrison

June 24, 2009

Those of us who live in Dallas are blessed to have one of the few truly great Libertarian voices out there based right here in our community. His name is Trey Garrison and he’s on a personal mission to restore individualism and personal liberty to this country. My challenge to you is to read Trey’s latest piece on airport security and to embrace the feelings that it stirs inside you. You’re going to feel your blood boil and your heart race. You’re going to want to head to your local airport and give the first TSA officer you see the finger.

And then you’ll probably sense some guilt about these feelings since it’s been drubbed into your head to respect authority. To bow down to authority. To worship authority.

But you need to fight back that guilt and realize what you’re feeling is the most inherent and natural human emotion that exists. It’s the longing to be free. It’s your soul’s desire to say, “Fuck you, you nanny-state loving hippie. I can take care of myself.” Embrace these feelings. Learn to love them. Talk about them with your family. Teach them to your kids.

Then ask yourself these questions. Aren’t you sick of being pushed around? Of being treated like a child? Or are you one of the new succubus-breed Americans who will kindly trade a slice of liberty for a taste of security, no matter how imaginary that security might be?

I know which side I stand on. And if you plan on making me budge, you better bring a big stick, buddy. Though I’m not too worried since action would require you to actually do something for yourself.


Cowboys Fans Gotta Stick Together

June 23, 2009

I’m usually not one to have a bleeding heart, but this story about a 53-year-old mentally disabled man who had his prized possessions stolen made my heart ache. The man, Butch Franklin, is a die-hard Cowboys fan and his Addison apartment was recently robbed by asshole Eagles’ fans (at least that’s what I’m telling myself). The thieves made off with his autographed Cowboys memorabilia, including an autographed Tony Romo poster and an autographed panorama of Texas Stadium.

Brett Daniels, a spokesman for the Cowboys, states at the end of the story that the team will definitely rectify Mr. Franklin’s situation by replacing the autographed items he lost. If it hadn’t been for Daniels’ promise, I was fully prepared to sacrifice one of the several autographed Cowboys items that I have in my office to Mr. Franklin’s cause.

The question is, which item would I part with? My Tony Romo autographed football? My Troy Aikman autograph? My Roger Staubach autographed ball? My Walt Garrison autographed photo? My Tony Hill autographed mini-ball? My pin flag from Cowboys Golf Course signed by Jason Witten, Terence Newman, Calvin Hill, Anthony Henry and Terry Glenn?

Wow, I just realized that I have a pretty damn good collection going. Thank God for Brett Daniels, because I don’t know if I could make a decision.


Friday Fun: Pretty Ricky – Late Night Special

June 19, 2009

What’s the gayest thing five young black men can do together other than starting for the Denver Nuggets?

This.


Will This Kid Be Pissed When He Finds Out The Truth?

June 16, 2009

Does this remind anyone else of when Lloyd sold Billy in 4C his dead parakeet? This kid is 16, so there’s no way his friends don’t tell him the truth. And probably not in the most polite manner either. Would you be pissed if your parents tried to dupe you by taking advantage of your handicap? I think I already know the answer to that.