Quite The Shocker…

To all my close friends,

I found your Christmas present already. Enjoy.

Love,

Me

Homers Is Now On Twitter

I stand by my unending hatred for Twitter. It’s shallow, pointless and narcissitic. Which means it’s only fitting that Homers should have a Twitter page. Follow this here blog at http://twitter.com/homerontherange.

Wylie Quarterback Excels At Yale

I’ve been meaning to post this piece about former Wylie quarterback Patrick Witt for a couple of days, but the new job keeps getting the way. After my summer of unemployment, I just keep telling myself that not posting due to work is a great problem to have.

Anyway, as I think I’ve mentioned before on this blog, Witt and his family lived three houses down from me while they were in Wylie. Patrick couldn’t have been a nicer kid and his family was just as great. While it’s true that his parents did move him from Atlanta to Dallas to get him into a better high school program, they aren’t your typical “get rich off your athlete kid” type of parents. Both are successful airline pilots who have raised two fantastic sons. Patrick’s older brother was the starting quarterback at Harvard before having his career cut short due to a shoulder injury.

It’s refreshing to read a story about a student-athlete who is just as interested in his intellectual pursuits as he is trying to win the starting job. In a day when most stories involving student-athletes involve arrests, suspensions or poor conduct, it’s guys like Witt and Myron Rolle who remind us that a few bad apples can’t spoil the whole bunch.

Greatest. Ad. Ever.

The greatest commercial of all-time from one of the greatest companies of all-time.

Bill Simmons At The National Sports Collectors Convention

My favorite writer on the face of the earth, Bill Simmons, takes you on a fantastic photo journey through his recent trip to the National Sports Collectors Convention in Cleveland. I don’t know if it’s possible to be a red-blooded American sports fan without having at least a little bit of a love for memorabilia (sports cards, autographs, game-used equipment, etc.). I know my dad, brother and I were into baseball and football cards big time in the late ’80s and early ’90s. I still have a love for vintage items that have to do with any of the Dallas sports teams (especially the Cowboys).

The best commentary from the photo essay is featured below:

Me holding the 1980 Topps box (and possibly two Bird/Magic rookies). A box that I didn’t buy. As far as you know.

By the way, here’s a great idea for a bachelor party, a guy’s weekend or whatever. Let’s say you have 12 guys in all and chip in $100 each to purchase this 1980 Topps box. You go out to a big dinner and get drunk. Instead of getting dessert, you open the box, pull out all the packs and mix them up in a pile. Everyone gets three. You open them up one at a time, going in a circle, three packs per person, three turns around the circle in all. First of all, would this be the most exciting 20 minutes of your year? I say yes. Second of all, if this was a televised show, would you watch it? Actually, yes. I think I would.

If I had a job right now, I’d go out and make this happen this weekend.

Why So Socialist?

“It’s Not About Taking Off My Goddamn Shoes” – Trey Garrison

Those of us who live in Dallas are blessed to have one of the few truly great Libertarian voices out there based right here in our community. His name is Trey Garrison and he’s on a personal mission to restore individualism and personal liberty to this country. My challenge to you is to read Trey’s latest piece on airport security and to embrace the feelings that it stirs inside you. You’re going to feel your blood boil and your heart race. You’re going to want to head to your local airport and give the first TSA officer you see the finger.

And then you’ll probably sense some guilt about these feelings since it’s been drubbed into your head to respect authority. To bow down to authority. To worship authority.

But you need to fight back that guilt and realize what you’re feeling is the most inherent and natural human emotion that exists. It’s the longing to be free. It’s your soul’s desire to say, “Fuck you, you nanny-state loving hippie. I can take care of myself.” Embrace these feelings. Learn to love them. Talk about them with your family. Teach them to your kids.

Then ask yourself these questions. Aren’t you sick of being pushed around? Of being treated like a child? Or are you one of the new succubus-breed Americans who will kindly trade a slice of liberty for a taste of security, no matter how imaginary that security might be?

I know which side I stand on. And if you plan on making me budge, you better bring a big stick, buddy. Though I’m not too worried since action would require you to actually do something for yourself.

Will This Kid Be Pissed When He Finds Out The Truth?

Does this remind anyone else of when Lloyd sold Billy in 4C his dead parakeet? This kid is 16, so there’s no way his friends don’t tell him the truth. And probably not in the most polite manner either. Would you be pissed if your parents tried to dupe you by taking advantage of your handicap? I think I already know the answer to that.

Yes, This Is A Wedding Invitation

Normally, any video that’s four minutes long and about a wedding wouldn’t warrant a second glance from me since both are huge wastes of times. However, this video maybe the most creative thing that’s ever appeared on the internet.

World’s Largest HDTV In Place At Cowboys Stadium

Here’s a sneak peek at how the founders of this little blog will be watching Cowboys’ home games this year.

Let’s rundown some of the technical specs:

• More than 25,000 square feet of video display
• 60 yards long, 72 feet tall
• Weighs more than 600 tons
• The bottom is a mere 90 feet above the field
• 25 million lights
• Total cost = $40 million

Ain’t season tickets grand? Have fun at home this year, suckers!

Michael Irvin Has A Big Heart

My love for Michael Irvin continues to grow. All you haters can suck it.

Welcome To The Real World, 2009 College Grads!

Drew Magery of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber fame writes his annual farewell speech to this year’s batch of fresh-faced college graduates. Pretty much everything listed in this rant is 100 percent true. I wish my brain worked like Drew’s.

Pilot Thinks and Acts Quickly

Wanna a first-person view of an emergency plane landing on a city street? Well then, here you go. The sound of the engine dying makes me nauseous.

Greatest. Website. Ever.

I’m gonna warn you right off the bat: do NOT click this link unless you have several hours to kill rolling on the floor laughing. The site is called FMyLife, and it contains short snippets of the constant stream of shit that the universe heaps on people everyday.

Here are a few of the ones that caught my fancy:

Today, it’s my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her “Edward”. I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her “Twilight” book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

Today, I discovered a web site that has killed all of my productivity and will probably cause me to lose my job…and it’s not even porn-related. FML.

Watch Von Erich Hall of Fame Induction

If you were like me, last week you set your DVR to record the WWE Hall of Fame induction in the hopes of seeing Kevin Von Erich’s acceptance speech. And also like me you were probably disappointed when the USA network only ran the inductions of Rick Steamboat and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

But fret not my wrestling lovin’ friends! My journeys through the interwebs turned up the Von Erich induction and I post it here for your enjoyment.

Kudos to my friends at the WCCW Tribune page on MySpace for posting these first.

Dreary Tuesday: Johnny Cash – “Hurt”

Since it’s already dreary as hell outside today, I thought I could bring your day down either further by providing you with the most depressing music video of all-time. If watching this doesn’t stir something in the pit of your stomach, you might be dead already.

Monday Afternoon Insanity

I dare anyone with a full bladder to watch this and not piss your pants. Can’t do it. Im. Poss. I. Ble.

Don’t Bother Me While I’m Sleeping

Is there anything better than a bully getting exactly what he deserves?

With Friends Like These…

Sometimes you think you know people. Take for instance my friends Chris, Jerrod and Josh. I’ve known each for several years now. I’ve gotten to know each one fairly well. I thought I knew their backgrounds, their likes/dislikes and other personality quirks.

Then I learn randomly one day that these three assholes ran their own fully-functioning wrestling promotion while in college. Here I am, a big time wrestling fan, with no clue that the guys I call my friends are sitting on this golden nugget of information. I discover it when I stumble upon their web site, which is filled with old stories, sweet videos, rosters of former wrestlers and other items of total greatness.

And here I am totally clueless to any of this. I have so many questions. How did you come up with the idea for this? How did you spread the word about it? How big was your fan base? How did you get so many dudes coordinated for the events?

I was in a fraternity in college and we couldn’t pry more than five members at a time away from their succubus girlfriends to do anything more than organize a pick up basketball game. And here you fellows are putting on wrestling shows!

For me, finding out about this was like having a long-time friend randomly one day throw out that he once got invited to Cowboys training camp, played minor league ball for the Yankees or had a gang-bang with a supermodel, her twin sister and her mom.

So, thanks guys, for leaving me in the dark. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.

P.S.

Chris – I still want to attend your show in March. Ringside would be preferable.

Top 5: President’s Day Edition

In honor of some historians recognizing Abraham Lincoln as the best president ever, this Top 5 will pay amige to Mr. Lincoln with the Best Sports Beards of all time. 

5. Johnny Damon

4. Baron Davis

3. Bruce Sutter

2.Token Hockey Player

1. Kimbo Slice